With his permission I share this which my husband wrote. In doing so, I am showing you his heart. He does not write easily but yesterday the need to let these words out was strong and they came easily. I am so grateful to God that He set me on life’s journey with this man. The following is all his.
Some months ago in my journey I found myself standing at a wall… again. The wall was tall and thick and wide. I couldn’t see any way around, over, or through the wall but I knew I had to move forward and couldn’t just stand there at the wall. I prayed. I prayed. I prayed. The wall didn’t move. I started looking for doors through the wall and kept praying. I found three doors. I tried the doors.
One door looked somewhat familiar, although I hadn’t been through a door like that for a long time. It seemed like it would maybe be an easy one to open, but no matter how much effort I put into opening that door, it didn’t open. I did a lot of knocking and calling. Someone recognized me and came to the door, but they didn’t open it. My heart burned. I couldn’t wait at the wall indefinitely and wanted desperately to find the right path through.
I tried another door that looked somewhat familiar. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through that door, but felt I needed to give it a try. I knocked. Someone came to the door and promised to let me look beyond the door to see if I wanted to come through that way, but then they closed the door and were gone. I waited.
While I waited I tried another door. Someone answered my knock and told me to get in line. There were a lot of people who wanted to come through that door, but only one would enter. After waiting a while the doorkeeper came back and said the wait would be much longer due to the number of people in line. They wanted to sort through the line and pick a few to talk with about their journey. From those few they would pick the person to enter their door.
I stood at the wall and waited. And I prayed. And I prayed. I prayed. My heart burned because I knew I couldn’t wait at the wall indefinitely. I wanted to find a way through. I needed to find a way through. My family was counting on me to find a way through. I prayed.
Eventually, someone came back to the second door and opened it a crack. They asked me to discuss my journey. Where had I come from? Where was I going? How did I think I would get there? Why their door? There were a lot of questions. Many come to their door but only a few can pass through. I answered their questions and then I reflected and I prayed. My heart burned. I looked through the crack in the door to see what the path might hold. My heart jumped and raced.
As I prayed I reflected on that second door. As I was praying and reflecting and checking my heart the person came back to the door, opened it wide, and invited me to come through. Had I found the way through the wall? The way that would lead forward and not just back around to the front of the wall again? I had done that once already. That’s why I found myself standing in front of the wall in the second place. Because when I found myself standing in front of the wall in the first place I picked a door that went in circles. A revolving door. A painful door. You can learn things by going in circles, but you can’t move forward on your journey that way. And so I jumped out of the revolving door and was back in front of the wall.
You can learn things by going in circles, but you can’t move forward on your journey that way.
I prayed and reflected on the second door. Okay. I’ll go through your door. Not because it seems somewhat familiar, but because it is right. Not just to get through the wall, but because it is right. As I was stepping through the door there was a call from that third door. They had sorted through the long line and wanted to talk with a few people about their journey. They wanted to talk with me about my journey. I thanked them. I closed their door, the third door. And I stepped through the door that was opened.
The journey on this path is awesome. It is difficult. It is somewhat familiar but there is much to learn. My heart burns, it races. I’m moving forward again.