Rehearsing lies… a confession

Rehearsing lies… a confession

I confess. I’ve been rehearsing lies. No, not on purpose but I confess, it is true…

One month ago this week the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry pilot project began in prayer over mentoring matches. From that day until this past weekend I have been fighting a spiritual battle.

My first mistake was to hear lies. Why did I ever think in a million years that I could actually be used by God to be a mentor let alone coordinate an entire mentoring ministry?! I began to rehearse all of those reasons why I cannot be a mentor. There were a lot of them.

The truth I struggled to cling to was that God is in this. There is no doubt it is God who led us this far. (I already know that I cannot mentor without His help.) Obviously He has plans to use this mentoring ministry to make an impact on lives of young women or the enemy of my soul would not even notice. I know the truth of that. Knowing the battle that I am fighting is a spiritual one does not make the fight any easier but it does make it worth it!

God has been urging me in countless ways to “press on” (Philippians 3:14) for over a month and a half now and I determined to do so but I was becoming discouraged and depressed in the fight. Confession: I lost focus on the One who already won the battle. This was mistake number two or perhaps actually mistake number one, which caused mistake number two!

This past weekend, my Father God who sees me, hears me, knows me, even understands my deepest reasons yet loves me took my face in His hands and forced my eyes on Him. On Saturday morning the speaker at our women’s conference looked me in the eye and said, “Tess, your call is irrevocable.” (She then proceeded to pass along the “press on” message!)

Sunday morning’s message went straight to my heart, carrying yet another strong encouragement to “press on toward the mark” but also addressing lies I was listening to and rehearsing.

I felt like I cried every tear left in my body and found myself at the altar recommitting myself to following God’s direction. Recommitting myself to the mentoring ministry. Realigning my focus on the Lover of my soul.

Lessons learned:
1. “What we rehearse gets bigger.” I was rehearsing lies, which nearly drowned me. Praise the Lord I could still hear truth.
2. I must NOT lose my focus on God. Losing my focus makes it all too easy for me to hear lies. My heart and mind require that I purposely focus every day, if not every hour. Last week I began to tweak my schedule to make sure that I had time to spend with Him every day.
3. I must re-visit the “take every thought captive” lesson.
4. This lesson I continue to learn: Take a mentee along in your journey… even the battles you fight. They prayed me through this battle. At the altar a friend said to me, “Last night I told you that you look like you have it all together. Now I know that you do!” It was wrong of me to rehearse lies, but in the end I knew where to go. I am so grateful for my faithful God who patiently waited for me to come to the right conclusion and was waiting for me at the altar when I did. It’s a painful example to be but may God use it to teach them as well!

I serve a good and loving, faithful God who will never give up on me. He knows that I am dust. He knows that He will have to teach and re-teach me so many lessons. He is not done with me. It is an honor to serve Him.